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Thursday, 31 August 2017

Five Questions about Taking Sexual Responsibility

Many women try to pass the responsibility for their desires, their sexual satisfaction, and the activities that go along with them to someone else. 
However, sexual self-love is one of the places where I can learn the most about myself, and sexual encounters are where I can learn the most about my communication, my boundaries, and the combining of two love energies. This requires knowledge of oneself and one’s own body.
In addition, my own dreams and fantasies contain important clues about my longings, needs, and borders. I could, of course, meditate on those things in my quiet little room, but sometimes it’s easier and more productive to have an exchange with a receptive partner.


An exchange with others about important questions of sexual self-love and sexual encounters in order to become more conscious of our own sexual identities as women

Time and external preparations

At least thirty minutes.

Step by step

Lie down comfortably, close together, so that you can whisper quietly to exchange your secrets. Use the following five questions as a prompt:

1.     When do you remember experiencing your earliest encounter of sexual self-love? Explain using the present tense.

2.     If you have orgasms, when and how was the first?

3.     What are the important body parts that show you, from the outside, to be a sexual woman? What do you like about them and what do you dislike?

4.     What are the taboos in your sexuality? What fantasies do you have that you don’t (yet) dare to fulfill?

5.     How would your life look in five years if, from now on, you were to make establishing an identity as a desiring, sexually satisfied woman one of your most important goals and were to pursue it actively as well as passively?

Creative ways to deal with stumbling blocks

If you come up against negative evaluation of yourself or the other person, it helps to concentrate on the questions and let the smart realist in you respond (instead of the norm-oriented judge). 

Furthermore, don’t forget that your reality encompasses not only tangible facts, but also dreams, longings, and goals, as well as your talents and skills for reaching those goals, so take your dreams seriously, and use all your courage and creativity to take the next step in their directions!

Variations and suggestions

Shared in small groups, the answers to these five questions will not only create feelings solidarity and connection, but can also free up even more creativity, particularly in terms of the steps needed to realize your dreams and visions of a life as a sexually fulfilled woman.