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Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Sexual Menu

As an XXL woman who also likes to revel in good food, I was very happy about the book Aphrodite: A feast for the Senses, by Isabel Aliened. In it, she reports her unwillingness to separate good food from good sex. I personally find that the principles of preparing a good meal and good lovemaking abilities are similar. This inspired me to create this exercise, which is intended to creatively expand our wishes and possibilities and to forge plans to make them a reality.


Reveling in wishes and fantasized possibilities, with the option to playfully make them real.

Time and external preparations

At least an hour. Have various index cards and pens handy.

Step to step

v Each person takes about a quarter of an hour to create their lists on three different index cards. List all the makers of pleasure (mouth, fingers, etc.); all the activities of pleasure (stroking, kissing, biting, etc.); and all the recipients of pleasure (clitoris, anus, mouth, etc.).

v You can then exchange lists. You may, of course, copy from the other person if they’ve listed something that seems pleasurable to you.

v Then you both discuss which activities listed by either partner are anatomically and acrobatically possible of the enjoyer, and which might be desirable.

v After that, each of you retreats to your own space and use another, possibly bigger, index card to put together a sexual menu of the things you would most like to enjoy right now. For example, you could write down the ambiance you’d most like to have, which aperitif you’d prefer, what should make up the appetizer list, and the entrees, all the way up to dessert. Be sure to include spices, drinks, and the presentation as well as the dinner music. You can even specify the amount of time to be spent on each course and the participants you would like to include in your love feast. Any ideas that are basically achievable, that are technically and acrobatically performable, and that don’t damage your partner’s dignity are welcome here.

v From this menu, you can make up a wish list that you might, for example, hand over to your partner before your next birthday. You should indicate that this is not a firm plan, but instead a collection of pleasurable ideas, suggestions for expanding and playfully satisfying your mutual desires.

v When handing over the wish list, it is important to see it as a present to your partner-a present of openness, expressed through the precise description of your own wishes. It represents taking responsibility for your own needs rather than making the other person try to guess them (yet again.)

Creative ways to deal with stumbling blocks

Many women have trouble with classic obstacle phrases like, ‘That’s not going to work,’ or ‘My partner definitely doesn’t want to do that.’ It may be that some desires really don’t work out within a relationship or in a particular situation, however, there are some helpful phrases to remember, like ‘Learn by playing’ and ‘Practice makes perfect.’

Variations and suggestions

If these kinds of wish lists tend to increase performance pressure and fear of failure, it is sometimes worthwhile just to exchange lists and talk about them without trying to make them a reality. Doing so may create the possibility of talking about your sexual preferences and about potential pleasure variations.